


I've Always Wanted a Laser Eye

by envexenveritas



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, Inadvisable Science, Non-cis Holtz, Ships if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-25 11:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10763223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/envexenveritas/pseuds/envexenveritas
Summary: Laf is in need of a laser eye they contact the best engineer for the job





	I've Always Wanted a Laser Eye

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Holtz and Laf Science](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/287103) by toodrunktofindaurl. 



> This began life as a Laf and Holtz work together fic, but has become more of a everybody reacts to Laf and Holtz working together fic.

“Guys, guys come on they’re here” Laf said waving their phone above their head.

“Laf, what are you talking about? Who’s here?” Laura questioned.

“The Ghostbusters, well two of them, come on.”

“No, no, no, no, no. Ghosts are not real ghosts do not exist.”  
“They’re not here for ghosts Perr. The engineer I called… Going to help build my laser eye… I did mention this to you right?”

“Guests? Arriving, here? Now? But nothing is ready, we have no food, and look at this mess we can’t have company.” Perry gestured to the immaculate apartment.

“Perr, Perr, Lola, look at me.

“We still have most of those brownies you made last night right?”

Perry nodded slowly.

“And I know we have enough food in the fridge for you to whip up something for dinner. Why don’t you go work on the food, while Laura and Carmilla help tidy this place up, and I go pick everyone up?” Laf glared at their friends over Perry’s shoulder.

Carmilla rolled her eyes. Laura shrugged and began to stand up. Carmilla followed Laura’s movements to end up with her arms wrapped around Laura’s waist and head on Laura’s shoulder.

“Thanks guys” Laf said already half way out the door. 

* * *

 

“Holtz! Come on.”

The engineer hovered over the baggage claim, she seemed two seconds away from pulling off a nearby hatch to make the conveyor belt run faster. “But I haven’t got my bag back. This machine runs to slowly.”

“Holtz!” Erin yelled again, pulling Holtz away from the hatch, a large backpack clasped in her other hand.

“You found my bag.”

Erin suddenly found herself having to juggle between holding onto the bag and Holtzmann who was suddenly in her arms. “Holtzmann, please take your bag before I drop whatever unstable device you’ve managed to smuggle in here.”

“Sowwy.” Holtz carefully took her bag from Erin’s hand. “Look, they’re for us,” she pointed to the hastily drawn Ghostbusters’ logo. “Come on,” she grabbed Erin’s hand pulling her roughly along.

“Holtz, the bag!”

“You the Ghostbusters?”

“Yes, yes we are. What happened too…? Sorry inappropriate question.” Erin vaguely gestured towards her own eye.

“I’m getting a laser eye. Your colleague here agreed to help me build one.”

Holtz slung her arm over Laf’s shoulder pulling them in towards her. “This is going to be great! I always wanted a laser eye. To bad it would have to mean – well you know.”

“Come on lets go introduce you to everyone.”

* * *

“Perry, Laura, Carmilla, this is Holtzmann and Erin, one half of The Ghostbusters.”

Erin gave a hesitant wave.

“Lola Perry, my pronouns are she/her, nice to meet you. What are your pronouns?”

“Eh, I’m good with anything.” Holtz shrugged, shaking Perry’s hand.

“Really why didn’t I know that about you?”  
“You never asked Er-bear.”

“You never said anything.”

“Why would I say anything when nothing was wrong?”

Perry coughed pointedly glaring at Erin. “Your pronouns?”

“What you were asking… I thought that was directed to Holtz?”

“How else would I know how to address you? I wouldn’t want to misgender anyone. Isn’t that right Sweety?” Perry replied slipping her arm around Laf’s waist and pulling them towards her.

“Er, um, she/her” Erin answered sheepishly.

“Yeah, I use they/them, I told Holtz already so I didn’t think to say anything.”

Perry’s grin grew several sizes, “Brownie?” she offered, holding out a plate of the freshly baked goods that Erin could have sworn was nowhere to be seen the second before.

“You can take one, they’re delicious” encouraged Laf, reaching out to claim one for themself, only to have their hand slapped away by a glaring Perry.

Holtz bounced forward quickly grabbing as many brownies as she could.

“Holtz, you should save some for everyone else.”

Holtz looked apologetically between Erin and Perry before stepping away from the plate as she shoved two brownies simultaneously into her mouth. The rest disappearing into one of the pockets of her dungarees, before giving a look that she hope displayed jealousy towards LaFontaine.

Erin far more politely reached forward and tried one of the snacks for herself.

“Right I think its time to get to work.” LaFontaine took hold of a brownie in one hand and Holtz in the other directing her towards the corner of the room that had been set up as a makeshift lab.

Erin took one look at the bizarre assortment of equipment Laf had somehow managed to cobble together. She turned back to the rest of the group eyes nearly bulging out of her skull. “I’m going to try to stop them from making anything explode… Too badly.” 

* * *

 

BOOMSPLODE

“Holtz, what did you do I was in the kitchen for two minutes?”

Holtz shrugged, “Larger poof than expected.”

“What? You’re… you’re expecting explosions?” Perry began circling the two slightly charred scientists, clearing up the wreckage as she went.

“Explosions are a necessary and important part of the scientific process.”

Erin took a deep steadying breath. “Holtzmann, why are you wearing an eyepatch?”

“No, no, Erin, babe, Er-bear, I’m fine. I’m wearing this in solidarity.” Holtz began to back away as Erin’s face moved from panicked to angry.

“Holtzmann, take that thing off. At least one of you needs depth perception.”

“No babe it’s fine, see.” Holtz moved her screwdriver back towards the collection of parts sitting in front of her.

POOF

“HOLTZMANN”

“Come on Sweety let’s go draw your eyebrows back on”

“Again? But Perr, they only just grow back.”

“Holtzmann, why did you do something so reckless? I know that you’re often reckless with your own safety, but you usually at least try to make everything as safe as possible for other people. What were you thinking?”

“Holtzy sowwy.”

“Holtzmann, that’s just not good enough this time. I’m calling Abby and Patty. I just can’t deal with how you’re behaving right now.”

“But Er-bear…”

“No Holtzmann.” Erin snapped turning her phone onto speaker.

*Hey, Erin, little early for you to call isn’t it?*

“Is Patty with you? She needs to hear this.”

*PATTY, it’s Erin. I think something’s wrong*

*What’s up hon?*

“Ask Holtzmann.”

“Man, Holtzy what’d you do?”

“MighthavebeenasmallpoofthatburntoffLaf’seyebrows.”

“And why did it explode?”

“Iwaswerainganeyepatch.” Holtz guiltily slipped the eyepatch off her face.

*Erin you’re going to have to translate for us here. All I got was a whole lot a mumbling.*

“I was gone for two minutes, two, and Holtzmann… managed to burn off Lafontaine’s eyebrows because she decided that wearing an EYEPATCH WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA.”

“IN SOLIDARITY.”

“That’s not a good enough excuse, Holtzmann. At least one of the people working with potentially dangerous equipment needs to have depth perception. You put solidarity above safety. Does somebody need to watch you 24/7…

“Watch you…

“Abby, Patty what’s the ghost situation like?

“How do you feel about joining us in Austria?”

*The ghosts will be here when we get back. Looks like we need to be on Holtzmann watch*

“Now I just have to prevent any more explosions until you get here.”

* * *

 

“Jillian Holtzmann! What have I told you about sciencing whilst ocularly impaired?”

“That was one time!”

Abby glared at the engineer.

“It’s within an order of magnitude.”

The other Ghostbusters rolled their eyes. The ensuing pause bringing attention to the quiet conversation happening the other side of the room.

“Did I ever tell you about the time I spent with Anaslasie Lafayette?”

“What did I tell you about talking about ex-lovers?”

“Laur, whatever happen then is nothing compared to you.”

Abby awkwardly cleared her throat.

“Lafayette. You know that Gilbert de Lafayette, fighter in the American revolution, had a daughter named Anaslasie?” Patty interjected to fill the silence.

“Yeah, that’s who I was talking about.”

“But…” Erin started.

“Ah oui oui, mon ami, je m’appelle Lafayette!

“The Lancelot of the revolutionary set!

“I came from afar just to say ‘Bonsoir!’

“Tell the king ‘Casse-toi!’ Who’s the best? C’est moi!”

“You know Lafayette didn’t have a problem with the king during the American revolution, and although he didn’t agree with the king he was a palace guard for much of the French revolution. Didn’t really pick a side, got in a lot of trouble for it too.”

“La, la, la,” Holtz chanted, hands clamped over her ears. “Stop ruining Hamilton for me.”

“Wait can we just get back to you… knowing the 18th century daughter of a marquis? Would she have had a title?”

“She was The Lady Anaslasie de Lafayette, before she was married.”

“Of course you know that Countess.”

“You’re an 18th century Countess?”

“17th, and Laf I told you to stop going on about it.”

“I… You’re… but… how?”

“There was a bit of a vampire situation, but that’s been fixed now. Except maybe Danny… ow, Carm.”

“So you are going to be discussing the history of 18th century Europe with me.” Patty directed Carmilla over to the seating area further from the lab space, and any possible explosions. “Did you know Lafayette was recruited to the revolutionary war by Silas Deane.”

All heads turned to the crash coming from the doorway. Perry stood shaking a plate of brownies now smashed at her feet.

“Perr! Perr, come on lets go lie down for a while. I’m sure everyone here can help with clearing up.”

“Sorry she’s still; dealing with a… possession incident.”

Abby nodded knowingly “I’ll talk to her later. Maybe talking to someone with a similar experience will help. Plus I get to collect more data.”

“We should probably help clear this up.” Erin moved towards the food strewn across the doorway only to find Holtzmann racing past her.

“Wait I’ve got to try this.” Holtz said sandwiching a brownie between two Pringles that she had sequestered about her person. “You think Perry would be able to make these brownies more parabolic? I’m gonna want more of these.”

“Holtz, she’s obviously still traumatised right now you can’t start demanding things.”

“Don’t worry, Polly Anne will have us drowning in baked goods and cleaning products before you can blink. You may want to stop injuring The Science Ginger though, I’m not stopping Perry going after anyone that hurts them.”

* * *

 

“Welcome to the, well you don’t seem to have an alleyway so, this corner of the lab will have to do.” Holtz gestured to the roughly spherical object mounted about head height at one end of the work bench.

“Now, Erin wouldn’t let me go ahead and finish this project until I’d pfff made sure it was safe. So to the laser test.”

LaFontaine stepped forward an almost manic gleam in their eye. “In three, two, one… Well the laser definitely works.”

“Wooh!” Holtz holds up her hand for a high five.

“Fire, you set the wall on fire!” Erin grabbed Perry and dragged her towards the door.

Abby calmly tried to herd everyone else from the room. “Fire extinguisher, why don’t you keep a fire extinguisher on hand?”

A large puff of black smoke appeared in one corner of the room, before a spray of white foam covered the wall. As the smoke and flames dissipated a tell figure with dark hair, a hint and ginger starting to show through at the roots became visible.

“What are you doing here Xena?”

“I got a text…”

“Let me guess ‘Come quick, bring fire extinguisher’” Carmilla glared at her girlfriend.

“What? It became an automatic reaction at Silas.”

“Well as much as I’d love to stay,” Danny rolled her eyes towards Carmilla, “I still really shouldn’t be around humans for a while longer.” A cloud of black smoke once again engulfed the vampire leaving the corner empty.

“If this is a repeat occurrence I really want to know why no-one thought it was I good idea to have a fire extinguisher. I’ve kept at least two in the lab ever since I hired Holtzmann.”

“Woo, that was so cool.”

“Holtzmann, that is not safe. You can’t put something that set walls on fire into someone’s face.”  
“But I wanna make a cyborg.”

“Holtzy turn the power down on that thing.”

“Alright.”

“So this is really it. I’m going to be a cyborg.”

* * *

 

Abby had banned Perry a couple of hours earlier for making Erin more anxious, followed by Erin herself a few minutes later when it became clear that she could not cope with seeing Holtzmann working on another human being.

Laura had now been sent in after excessive pleading to check how everything was going. Patty and Carmilla refusing to stop their discussion on 18th century Europe long enough to intervene.

“Is that…”

“No, no unexpected noises.” Abby whispered trying to manoeuvrer Laura away from the work station.

Laf was sitting very still on the work table, Holtz standing over them screwdriver aimed at their eye socket.

“We usually make sure that no-one is in range of Holtzmann during this part of the process. But as you can see, in this case, that’s not really possible.”

“But, she’s… that’s… screwdriver”

“Yes that’s why we need to be quiet. The laser not currently active and Lafontaine seems to be very good at remaining motionless but we don’t want anything to go wrong.”

“Hmm, there’s been far fewer poofs then there usually are.”

“Well, there’s still time to fix that.”

“Laf, it’s literally in your eye socket. I’m getting Erin.”

“What did I say about loud noises.”

“Aha” Holtzmann held her screwdriver aloft triumphantly before starting to dance to music only she could here. The screwdriver at various points moving dangerously close to both her own head and various pieces of equipment in the surrounding area. “Call everyone in. We need to test this.”

* * *

 

“Voilà.” Holtz pulled off a tarpaulin revealing a life-sized, stuffed, vampire shaped target beneath.

“Hey I resent that.”

“Says the ex-vampire.”

“It’s the principle of the thing.”

“Carm, did you just forget you’re not a vampire any more, again?”

“No, it should just be taller and… more ginger.”

“Now, shall we begin.

“Please keep your hands well away from you face for the entirety of the ride. The emergency exit is behind you and has been locked for your safety. Bend your knees to combat any potential recoil and begin when ready.”

Holtz stepped away from Laf to the opposite side of the room from the rest of her companions. Erin, Abby and Patty quickly followed, standing very purposefully behind Holtzmann. Perry trusting Erin’s judgement, sidled after them.

Laf bent their knees, squared their shoulders, and stared at the target in concentration. An intense beam of light burst from their eye, the target exploding in a ball of feathers.

Carmilla felt something bounce off the top of her head, before the stuffed vampire head landed in Laura’s arms.

Laura look for the head to Carmilla, back to where the vampire had originally been standing, before turning to LaFontaine and Holtzmann. “I thought that was going to make some kind of, well, noise.”

“Well actually…” / “Laf says…” came the simultaneous response from the scientists (and Perry). Before diverging into every possible explanation of the phenomenon.

“You just had to go and say it didn’t you, they ain’t stopping ‘til they’ve finished explaining now.”

Holtz finished her explanation first, and ignoring the other who were still mid lecture, flipped on her boombox. “CELEBRATORY DANCE PARTY!”


End file.
